poems by Rena J. Mosteirin

Blog Archive

Friday, September 7, 2007

Spam Poems

When I was Cynthia Huntington's TA I asked the class consider
the poetry of spam e-mails. We read spam aloud. It was brilliant and boring and everything spam tends to be. Favoring the absurd, such as Reuters scrambles over the ones which boasted Viagra-style-enhancement, I came up with some poems that I wrote using no lines of my own, just lines from spam e-mails I received. Two of these are in my thesis. Can you guess which two?

Best USA pharmacy discounts

We will help you be the best with your girlfriends
Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears
our present for your health
your own Confidential purchase Oscars race
as a roadside bomb strikes a civilian car
while countless others were wounded in a car bomb attack
by U.S. military. The Academy Awards are such a favorite,
When you make a sporting event out of killing the nominees
to draw attention to the U.S. military standard procedure
since at the border yesterday at least three civilians were killed.
The military's statement on Saturday, that
Mr. al-Hakim was not singled out.
The vehicles met specific criteria for death
Mr. al-Hakim was not singled out
for his performance in Little Miss
Sunshine say broad-based US terrorists
during Saturday morning raids.
The military's statement on women and children will be
hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, who neither conducts operations nor detains people.
U.S. military troops arrested Mr. al Hakim who said
the 79th Academy Awards will air
in the southeastern Baghdad district
30 minutes later. In a separate incident
five civilians were killed and six security detail after a trip in Iran
U.S. Embassy on Friday said what al-Hakim wins for is
"Volver" and Iraq and war-torn Iran and the United States and the award for
Widespread and incoherent ladenspelling, terrors publicist.
the award goes to
Widespread and incoherent binladen spellingerrors errorist.
and the death toll is

Sea Lions Banned in the United States

Oregon, Washington and Idaho
applied last year for federal permission to kill
some of the more troublesome California sea lions,
saying they have exhausted their options;

The relationships between the people of this country
and the more troublesome California sea lions
have been marred by centuries of discord, conflict, hurt and tragedy.

Sea lions were called
thugs with no soul
at a Capitol Hill news conference on Friday.

The same tactics have flopped in the past
against the sea lions, who, like the manatees,
are federally protected and seem to know it.

Sea lions to plead the Fifth before Senate panel
reports Reuters from the sidelines of a conference in Portland.

Almost no one on the panel supports the idea
that the materials the seal lions deleted were vital
to the task of parsing out their evil-doing.
The sea lions who do know deny everything.

Mail In Your Payment Today

Continuing his inspection, he produced a piece of pork fat,
a packet of herring, butter wrapped in wax-paper, and about two dozen hard-boiled eggs.
Each month, 50,000 Iraqis flee their country.
Let them set the chafing-dish upon the floor, and go.

The hissing soon stopped.
You have zero width and height,
in springtime next to grass and moss.
Mail in your immediate bipartisan solution today.

He did not like the idea of being sold for such a high price.
It's all loose ends. Mail in your payment today.
I waited until the steam-demon drew a bead on me.
Not human hair, but actual pelts, resembling in various patches
jaguar, tiger, bison, zebra, and polar bear, among others, in a crazy patchwork.

Some are forced out of their homes by armed men, while
faintness constraineth me to measure out my length on this cold bed.
Let them see my face.

These Bones

At ten she began her television
punkd and poprocked
denied her cocaine calling
wildlife in west hollywood still spending
obscured her diamond mind
heavily partied made bogus
excused actions suffered and fashioned
licensed copyrighted detailed trademarked
rises triumphant, the recovered bulimic-
these bones, queens of hot wild, don't need a boyfriend.


Eggy said...

Spam poem is a tour de force. I wish I had thought of the concept.

Eggy said...

Spam poem again: you may wish to say this poem was referenced in Cynthia Huntington's lecture at Vermont College.